It's 9 a.m. on my only day off this week. I've got a few things to take care of this afternoon, but for now, I was enjoying a little time on the couch. A documentary about the dust storms across the midwest in the 30's was playing on the History channel, providing a little background noise while I dozed a little. It was nice.

But that all changed with a phone call. I knew I should have turned off the ringer when I hit the couch.

I croaked a "figures-you-would-have-to-call-just-when-I-was-falling-asleep" hello? The voice on the other end belonged to a female, though it was no one I recognized. She quickly introduced herself, and asked for me by name. After I told her that it was, indeed, me she was talking to, she proceeded to tell me she was calling on behalf of the "Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee".

My first thought: "Are you kidding me? Really?" My second thought: "Time to have some fun!"

I kept quiet as she continued to tell me about the House vote on the Economic Stimulus Bill last week. She did a decent job of telling me that, despite the hard work of the House Democrats, NOT ONE REPUBLICAN voted for it! Why, they voted against it DESPITE how hard President Obama had worked to make this a "bipartisan" effort to save our economy!

By this point, my anger at having been jolted out of my morning nap was gone completely, and a beautiful day with endless possibilities made me smile. I couldn't hold back any more.

"So, the Republicans voted against legislation that is going to get our Country back on track?" The tone in her response matched my own incredulity. EVERY ONE OF THOSE REPUBLICANS voted against helping us!

"Did any Democrats vote against it?" Of course, I already knew the answer, but what kind of good Conservative activist would I be without at least pretending I was interested in her drivel? I could here her shuffling papers before she answered that NO Democrats voted against it, because Democrats want to help us 'poor people', and that is why she was calling me today. Would I be interested in supporting the DCCC with a contribution of $100 so that President Obama and the Democrats can maintain/gain on their majorities?

You know, I always complain that I don't get calls like this. Just the other night, I was griping to my wife that I never get polled on Conservative issues. I never get asked what my approval rating of our dear leader is. And yet, here was my chance.

I decided to inform her that I knew how the vote actually went down. 11 Democrats and yes, all Republicans, had voted AGAINST the porkulus bill. "As far as I am concerned, that means that there was indeed a bipartisan effort to KILL the legislation. The only partisan politics happened on the side of the Democrats."

She shuffled papers again, and began to spout off statistics. It was evident that she was reading off a prepared script about the "benefits" of the economic stimulus plan.

"It sounds to me like you are simply reciting the Democrat party talking points to me. Are they the 'Official' talking points?" I had to ask, because it was quickly becoming obvious that she wasn't going to stop. She didn't disappoint, either.

Instead of allowing my interrogation to bother her, she continued reading right out of the Democrat playbook. I let her run with it. Billions for welfare. Billions for the unemployed. Billions for education. Billions for health care. The promises continued to add up. As she read on, I started to develop this picture of my kids & grandchildren in debtor's prison.

She finally quit reading, and again asked for my support of President Obama's efforts. I ignored her question, and continued to grill her.

"Let me get this straight." I tried to sound as serious as possible, giving her a little "hope" that I would send her my "change". "President Obama and the Democrats want to help people like you and I by giving us a bunch of money for all these different programs? That sounds great!"

She responded positively, and I continued.

"Are there going to be any checks coming to us little guys in America? Or will all the money go to Wall Street?" By this point, I was having what Rush would say is, 'More fun than a human being should be allowed'.

My question perked her up a little, or so it seemed, and I heard her papers shuffling again. "Let's see..." she said as she found the right talking point. "President Obama wants to give each American $500, or $1,000 for couples!"

"My goodness." I responded. "I could sure use that right now. My car broke down, and I have to go into the hospital to have my hypothalamus removed and my wife needs to have an epidermis transplant." I didn't think she was going to bite, but she did. Her response immediately went into the Democrat talking points about FREE HEALTH CARE and other efforts the Democrats were making to help people just like me.

I finally decided to bring it back around. If I didn't, there was a very strong possibility I was simply going to burst out laughing and end the call in a long string of profanities. Instead, I forced my serious face on, and continued.

I recited all the programs that would be funded by the Porkulus bill. I listed all the ways it was going to help me. Then I asked THE question: "Where is President Obama going to get the money to do all of this?"

Her answer sounded like it had been written by Joe Biden himself. She proceeded to tell me that the money would come from taxpayers, and that although President Obama was doing EVERYTHING he could for us, he would need our help to. According to the caller, it was up to US to get America back on track.

I could have run with this, but it was getting old. As much as I enjoy using people's ignorance against them, I felt that I had beat her up enough. I again summarized all of the Porkulus programs, and the fact that the money would come from taxpayers. "Have I got that right?"

She again responded positively. I had to go in for the kill.

"Doesn't that sound like Socialism to you?" For the first time, my question had stopped her in her tracks. She shuffled her script a few times and, after a few seconds, went back to the beginning. She recited the first few lines of her script. Her voice was cracking and showing other signs of stress.

I stopped her with a stream of questions: "Where in the Constitution does it give President Obamamessiah the right to do this with MY TAXES? I don't want Socialism in my Country! Too many men & women have died fighting to make this country FREE, only to have it fall to the Socialist policies and ignorance of the masses? I DON'T THINK SO!"

"But sir, President Obama only wants to help us!" She was clearly stressed at this point, and I couldn't believe she hadn't given up yet. If nothing else, she was persistent, almost as though someone was holding a gun to her head and making her extract a $100 donation from me.

"Sweety, in case you haven't noticed yet, you called the house of one of the most right-wing, hard core Conservatives you could find." I let it out. "I wouldn't send you a dime unless it meant that the Socialist Democrats across the Nation would get the hell out and go find a 'paradise' of their own to screw up."

"I'm sorry you feel that way, sir." I think she finally realized the error of her ways. Then she proved me wrong. "President Obama just really wants to get this Country back on track, and needs YOUR help with a donation to the DCCC."

"Do me a favor." I tried to keep as calm as possible. "Tell the DCCC to send a message to Obamamessiah for me." Yes, she even agreed to this, so I continued. "Tell him that myself and 54 million others want him to take a hike. Tell him to go back to his homeland of Kenya, where his Socialist ideas might be welcomed. And after you do that, do yourself and me a favor and go read the Constitution."